his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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