worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
