Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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