I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
