you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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