she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
