i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
