You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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