im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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