so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she told me i tasted like america
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
