Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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