just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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