someone get that fucking seahorse.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
