is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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