Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So here I am, sexting at work.
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