He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
