it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Couch. On fire.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
