I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
