Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
