hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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