y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
