I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
