38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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