Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
