i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
