I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
