I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
