we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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