I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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