Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
