I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
