Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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