it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
