I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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