But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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