Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
