**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
