no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
