I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
