Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
