Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
