I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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