It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
