How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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