I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
