what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
