He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he fucked my hip out of place.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
