Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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