Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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