D3 body, D1 cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
